The Lord Forgives Tired Moms

 My daughter never slept.  After adopting a second child I found myself outnumbered and overwhelmed.  I was supposed to bring her home from Guatemala when she was six months old.  Due to lots and lots of issues in the international adoption world, six months turned to eight months and eight months turned into a year.  The longer it took the more disheartened I became.  All I could think about was missing her first step, her first word, and those cuddly midnight feedings. *sigh*

Be careful what you wish for!  When I brought her home the week of her first birthday she couldn’t crawl, much less walk.  She didn’t speak – only cried, and she definitely didn’t sleep.  Ever.  Adrenaline, excitement, love and caffeine got me through the first few weeks.  Just when I thought I couldn’t do it for one more day, my mom came to the rescue.  She stayed with me for the weekend.  When Sunday morning came and I was dragging myself out of bed to get ready for mass, my mom told me to just go back to sleep.  “The Lord forgives tired moms, “she said. 

That was more than a decade ago, but I’ve thought about those words on several occasions.  Partly because they came out of the mouth of a deeply religious and spiritual woman, but mostly because a light bulb went off when she said it.  I didn’t have to be perfect.  I could give myself permission to try.  I, like too many people, wasted too many days comparing myself to others – and worst yet, comparing myself to perfection. 

I know a lot of people who wish they were something they aren’t or get stuck focused on the life they think they could have/should have had.  Because they don’t, they must be failures.  It makes me sad to see someone not able to move on because they no longer think that they deserve happiness. 

One of our family mantras is that when we are the problem, we are also the solution.  In our home this means that we have the power – the choice – to leave that place and create a change.  We can choose happiness.  For example, the birth mother of my son was in high school when she became pregnant.  She made several choices after that.  She has now completed college, is married and she and her husband recently had a son. 

Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses.  It is only when we accept everything that we are – and aren’t – that we can feel complete.  As Mother Theresa said, “God doesn’t require us to succeed.  He only requires that you try.”  I hold on tightly to try.  As my kids get older and face more complicated choices I tell them not to worry.  I don’t think we need to be perfect.  I don’t even think that we should focus on being successful.  I tell my kids to just do the next right thing.  That’s it.  Just the next, one right thing.  We usually know what that is. 

Thanks to my mother, I’m long done with success and failure, perfection and fault.  I choose to live in try.   I really like it here.  Even when it is frustrating, it’s always okay in the end.  After all, the Lord forgives tired moms.