Trust and her twin

I was visiting my girlfriend for the day.  She lives out in the country in one of those houses set way back from the road.  We were heading into town to go to the store, kids in tow and when we got to the end of her driveway there on the side of the road was a puff of white fur.  We looked at each other in horror – the cat! Not wanting to alert the children to the death of Snickers we didn’t stop.  Instead, as soon as possible I watched the kids while she snuck away and called her husband to retrieve the body.  By then the body was gone – perhaps carried away by another animal or cleaned up by someone else.  They decided to dig a hole and cover it as if there was still something to bury.  We would talk to the kids on the way home and have the funeral once we arrived back.

So there we were.  Standing in a circle around a freshly covered hole in the ground with nothing in it saying our goodbyes to Snickers the cat.  Yes she was loved.  Yes she will be missed.  Yes she is in heaven now.  Our reverent moment of silence was broken when my girlfriend screamed – a top of your lungs screech that could have woken the dead.  Except that she screamed because the dead was already awake.  There was Snickers rubbing on her leg.  Obviously it wasn’t Snickers that we saw at the end of the driveway after all.  As we caught our breath and began to laugh, her 4 year old son still looked confused.  He raised his hand as if he was in school to ask a question.  “Does this mean we are in heaven too?”

It was a rare and beautiful example of both innocence and trust.  Not for one second did it occur to him that his mom was wrong about the cat being dead.  The more logical scenario to this little child was that we all must be in heaven.  I smile just thinking about it.  There are more than a few times I have longed for the ability to trust so completely. 

As an adult we tend to think about trust when making big decisions – at big moments.  Is this used car worth the money?  Do I share this secret?  Do I sign this contract?  Do I say “yes”?  But the reality is that, maybe more than any other psychological factor, trust is a part of our everyday.  It is there in everything at every moment…it is a deciding factor of a life well lived. 

Humans are social creatures so we have always had to discern the intent of everyone else in our group – whatever that group may be.  Not only do we have to decide if others are trustworthy, but we have to decide if we will be as well.  There can be perceived, and even actual, momentary benefits of deceit.  It might help us take control of a situation.

And therein lies the twin of trust – vulnerability.  Trusting someone else means that you are not in control.  The ability to discern who you can trust and who you can’t has been a factor in our ancestors’ survival.  But no matter how hard we try to be in control, we will be faced with the need to trust.  What I learned from this 4 year old child is that innocence can be far more impressive than experience.  That if we are able to be vulnerable, to trust and be worthy of trust in return – we may also, if even for a few minutes, wonder if we are in heaven too.